


The stars may be covered by clouds and the moon may be new (but your smile is all the light I need)

by Louchie



Series: A Ballad Of Magic And Terror [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Good Regulus Black, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Sibling Bonding, Sirius Black is a Good Brother, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, all my reggie fics are in 1977, circa 1977, huh, just some brothers sitting by the lake talking about their emotions and working things out, like half of what i write, really just fuck walburga
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:49:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22330606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Louchie/pseuds/Louchie
Summary: The year is 1977Its been several months since Sirius ran awayIts the new Hogwarts year, and Regulus has finally, finally worked up the courage to talk to his (disowned) brother. Sirius worries about Regulus and Regulus attempts to convince him that yes, he's fine.He isn't exactly convincing, and Sirius has him make a promise.Otherwise summed up as "Sirius and Regulus talk out their emotions and things look towards the better"
Relationships: Regulus Black & Sirius Black
Series: A Ballad Of Magic And Terror [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1509704
Comments: 14
Kudos: 288





	The stars may be covered by clouds and the moon may be new (but your smile is all the light I need)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [youurelovely](https://archiveofourown.org/users/youurelovely/gifts).



> Yeah so I wrote this a while back right before winter break and I rediscovered it in my notebook a few days ago. 
> 
> For youurelovely, naturally.
> 
> also yeah the title is sappy but its 1:47 am what do you want from me.
> 
> Also fuck jk rowling am i right

_Mid October, 1977_

_Sirius’s 7th year, Regulus’s 6th._

Regulus sat on a bench near the lake's edge, staring aimlessly over the water. Watching it ripple.

His gaze remaining fixed on a spot where he was particularly sure there was a turtle of some sort resting under the surface.

It’s late.

Of course it's late.

The sky is dark, the moon new.

Clouds blotted out most the stars, making the night somehow even gloomier.

It was cold, but not bitingly so. Regardless, the thick robe he wore kept the chill out.

Overall, it was exactly the sort of night he would have expected to meet Sirius on.

He wondered if Sirius would show.

He doubted it.

After all, why _would_ he?

Why would he bother with sneaking out to see _him_ of all people?

Risk getting detention and other various consequences.

He wasn't worth that.

Besides, Sirius hated him.

He _knew_ Sirius hated him.

He’d made that abundantly clear during their fights and on the night he left.

He didn't even know _why_ he was trying this.

What even were the feasible outcomes? Sirius coming and them fighting? That or Sirius _not_ coming and leaving the aching hole in his chest to grow wider.

He wasn't sure which was worse. There was no good outcome of this.

He was pulled from his musings by footsteps.

He resisted the temptation to look over his shoulder and see who was coming, and kept his gaze fixed on the water.

It could only be Sirius.

Well, it _technically_ could have been anyone.

But it was most likely Sirius.

His suspicions were confirmed when Sirius sat down next to him.

Regulus exhaled a breath he hadn't even realized he was holding.

“So..” Sirius started. “I’m here.”

He didn't seem angry, or exasperated, or even annoyed.

That on its own was more reassuring than anything else Regulus had told himself in his futile attempts at soothing his nerves.

“Sirius.. I..” There was _so much_ he wanted to say, but he said none of it.

He didn't even know where to _begin_ with this conversation.

This long, _long_ overdue conversation they had been putting off for almost half a year now. 

“How have you been?” He asked after a long, drawn out moment, desperate to break the already choking silence.

“Better than the last time we properly spoke.”

Sirius responded effortlessly. Like every word wasn't hard to get out.

Like it was easy to talk to him.

Like talking to him wasn't stressful.

Like things were _normal and okay._ Like he hadn’t _run away_. Like there was no hundred kilometer chasm between them growing wider by the minute.

Regulus drew his knees to his chest. “That's good. I’m glad you’re okay.” He spoke softly, keeping his eyes fixed somewhere far out over the water.

If he had looked at Sirius, he would have seen how his expression moved from curiosity to more worry.

If he had looked at Sirius, he probably would been even more lost as to what to say.

“Okay. What's _up_ with you, you’re _never_ like this.” He knew Sirius was looking at him, seeing if he could spot anything glaringly wrong.

He also knew that if he looked at Sirius, he would probably tear up and that wouldn't be good for _anybody._

Because if he started crying, that would just complicate matters further.

He thought of Walburga’s anger, growing hotter by the day, and Orion's forced indifference and cold disappointment.

He thought of the cuts and bruises over the summer. The broken arm.

He thought of Walburga’s growing desperation to redeem herself in the eyes of the other pureblood woman she would see at parties. Of her mortification over Sirius and how much she wanted to separate herself from her failed son and heir. Of how _furious_ she would get at him being brought up.

He thought of the fights between her and Orion that were once spread far and inbetween that now sat like rainclouds on the horizon. Dark and ominous.

He thought of his growing fear of Walburga having him join the death eaters.

He thought about how everything seemed to be falling apart in slow motion, all orbiting around him. All doomed to collapse. The supports cut, leaving only him to scramble about. Frantically trying to keep things together, no matter how futile the task is.

No matter how hopelessly damaged the integrity is. It fell to him to hold together the shattered remains of his- no _their_ home Sirius left behind, and he _knew_ he wouldnt let go, _couldnt_ let go. Even as the sharp edges sliced into him.

Everything was going to fall apart, eventually. He couldn't keep everything together forever, and the fallout of the shattered remains of their home would take him with it.

And the worst part is? He didn't hardly blame Sirius for leaving. Not enough to truly be _angry,_ anyway.

“I’m fine.” He lied.

“Sure you are.” Sirius had hardly been here a minute, and he had already begun worrying him.

It was obvious Sirius had seen right through the lie, as a sideways glance revealed he was wearing that expression that meant he could see right through him.

Regulus had never been great at lying.

Well, no. Regulus had always been great at lying. Its just Sirius had always been great at _telling when he is._

“Why did you want to talk with me?”

_I miss you._

_It's been hell without you._

_You were the only good thing in my life._

_I love you._

Instead of saying any of that, Regulus shrugged and folded his hands. staring intently over the lake. 

“..Okay.”

Regulus forced himself to keep his gaze over the water. To not look at Sirius to gauge his reaction.

“Regulus, What's _really_ happening?”

Regulus bit his lip, and slowly exhaled. Forcing his shoulders to relax and trying to smile. “Sirius, I’m okay. Really.”

“Oh don’t even _try_ and pull that shit on me. You couldn't even fool _Aunt Charis_ with that fake smile. You wouldn't.. You wouldn't go through the hassle of planning an entire meeting thing if nothing was wrong.”

“Maybe I just wanted to talk to you like everything was normal, okay? I don't know.” Regulus tried, still avoiding Sirius’s scrutinizing gaze.

It wasn't a lie, not really.

He desperately wanted to talk to Sirius like things were okay.

“Reg..”

“And it's not like I can talk to you in broad daylight, right? Someone will see and news will get back to _Her_ somehow and you _know_ how that is.”

“Yeah, I do.” There was worry in Sirius’s tone.

Sirius was still looking at him expectantly. Like he expected a real answer to why Regulus asked to meet him.

Too bad Regulus was too ashamed to admit it.

“This was a terrible idea. I’m sorry.” Regulus finally looked at Sirius, hugging his knees tighter to his chest.

Sirius looked just as worried as his voice had implied _._

He looked actually worried. Not false worry, or angry worried, really and truly worried.

He hadnt seen Sirius really and truly worried in a long while.

“I—” He choked on his words. He hadnt expected that.

He was going to say he missed him.

But he just.. couldn't.

Out of fear, out of mortification, out of denial, he didn't know.

“I’m happy you're safe.” He said instead.

“Thanks.” Sirius kept his gaze fixed on Regulus with that real, genuine worried expression. “How have things been without me? Must be nice not having me around to piss her off all the time.”

Regulus thought about how angry Walburga was constantly these days. Her bitter, hysterical anger.

He nearly laughed.

“No, actually.” Regulus returned his gaze to the lake, so he doesn't have to see Sirius’s reaction. If he got any more worried looking Regulus would cry, and if he started crying he absolutely would not be able to stop. “It's been.. It's been really hard.” His voice couldn't have been much louder than a whisper as he confessed that. But somehow, he felt like he was screaming it for the whole world to hear.

Like there was no possible way to be quiet enough when saying it.

“Has it?”

“She..” He swallows his trepidation. There wasn't much point in hiding things, not really.

And Sirius deserved to know anyway.

“She’s really.. She’s gotten angrier, somehow. Bitterer. It's uh, with you being a..” He cleared his throat, slipping into a mocking voice that was meant to sound vaguely like Walburga. “‘Worthless mudblood loving blood traitor who should rot’ or something like that. But ah.. She’s gotten worse, I think.”

“Do you need me to come back?” Sirius asked with absolutely no hesitation.

The question made his blood freeze in his veins. 

“ _What?_ ” Regulus turned to look at Sirius, convinced he’d heard him wrong.

Because that didn't make _sense._ Why would he _ever_ suggest something like that?

“Do you need me to come back, Regulus. Because I will. I could make up some, I don't know, bullshit about ‘Learning the awful truth of mudbloods’ or some.. absolute _bullshit_ like that. And I would come back.”

“No. _No._ Never.” Regulus didn't even try to hide how stunned he was.

Because that was honestly the most idiotic, ill adviced thing he had _ever_ heard Sirius say.

Well, no, it wasn't. But it was pretty far up there.

“Do _not_ come back. She’ll — god Sirius I don't even know what she’d do. She’d kill you. She’d beat you half to death then kill you.”

“That wasn't the question, Regulus. Do you need me to come back? Will she kill you. Will she hurt you. Do you need me there?”

“I-” Regulus bit his lip. Because the answer was yes. He needed Sirius there. He couldn't hold everything together on his own. The shattered remains of their home were already slicing into him. “I’ll live.”

“Regulus.”

“She — Look. There hasn’t been much beyond, you know how she is. Cuts. Bruises. Yelling. The occasional spell. It’ll be fine. I’m _fine_.”

“You're lying.” Sirius said without breaking eye contact with him. He could always tell. “You're fucking lying. What has she done? Did she fucking Crucio you?”

“No! No. She didn't.” _Not yet, at least._ He added mentally. “Look. She broke my arm about 2 weeks after you left and that's the worst physical damage done. It's just been fucking hell without you, okay? But you _can't come back._ I will be _fine._ ”

“She’ll _kill you_!”

“She’d kill you _long_ before she kills me, Sirius. I’ll be _fine._ ”

They held eye contact for a few seconds, challenging each other.

Surprisingly, Sirius caved first.

“Then I need you to really, and _truly_ promise me something. Okay?”

“Why?”

“I just need you to.”

“Fine. What is it.”

“If you _ever_ need me, if she ever uses Cruciatus or, fuck I don't know. Imperius or some shit. If she ever, _ever_ does anything that will ruin your life, or hurt you like that, write me. Just write me. Firecall me even. I’ll come get you. No questions asked.”

“You don't need—”

“No, Regulus. You’re my brother. No matter _what_ her tree says. I’ll be here for as long as you want me. I’m still here, I’m still your brother. So promise me that. Promise me that you’ll get me.”

“Sirius..” His voice is thick with all the emotion he’s forced back since the night Sirius ran away, and probably some more at Sirius’s words. “Okay. _I promise._ ”

Sirius’s resulting smile was enough to make him smile back.

“Good. If she ever, _ever_ goes to far, if you ever need somewhere to go, or hell, even just an outside opinion, I’m here.”

Regulus blinked back tears, still smiling a watery smile.

“All you need to do is ask, and I’ll be there for you. I promise..”

“Okay.” Regulus managed though his churning emotions. He felt something suspiciously like happiness. “Thank you.”

“It's nothing, Reggie.” Sirius wrapped an arm around his shoulders and tugged him into what was a slightly rough hug.

Regulus hugged him back, and for all of 5 seconds they were quiet.

“I love you, you know.” Sirius whispered. “You're not allowed to forget that.”

Regulus rubbed at his eyes as he pulled back. “I love you too, Sirius.”

“That's good, because if you didn't this would be rather awkward.”

“Shush.”

“You have never once been able to make me be quiet, and I doubt you’ll have suddenly acquired that ability.”

Regulus laughed softly, and smiled again. “No, I don't think I have.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm real proud of the title in this one yo


End file.
